Saturday, December 5, 2009

Happy but Sad

Yesterday I met my boyfriend, the married guy. He came to KL for a badminton tournament. It was our first date since we declare as a couple. Well, we have our unique story. Let me keep it for myself.

First time met him, I admit that I was nervous. All this time we just communicate via Tagged, Yahoo mail, YM and phone. Now we will face each other in a real world. And I am really nervous. Before this I just look at his picture, now I meet him in a real world. It was very memorable & sweet moment. Even we are Sabahan and start communicate while I still at Sabah, but we just meet in a real world at KL. Well, God decide for us to meet here, not at Sabah.

I am very happy coz finally, I can meet him. I hug him and wish I don't have to let him go, but of course it's impossible. We talk like usual, bout me & him, bout his family, bout my kids. Honestly, I am so jealous with my kids and my bro coz they already met him! And I still haven't meet him yet that time. But he said no need to jealous coz we already meet & I can hug him tight.

It is a happiest moment for me. We spend few hours together before something turn up and I have to leave him in hurry. I asked him to extend 1 more night in KL so we can spend more time together. He not promise but will keep trying.

This evening, when I prepared dinner, I received message from him and it makes me really sad. He tell me that he can't extend one more night due to his wife already got plan for their family. I call him straightaway, try my luck to change his decision for many times already, but the answer still dissapoint me. Without thinking any risk or effect from my action, I hang the phone just like that.Minutes after that, he text me asking why did i act like that coz I never do that and it makes him hurt. It makes me very sad and I keep asking forgiveness from him. He ask me to forget it coz he know wy I act like that, coz I am very sad.

I am very happy that I can meet him, but at the same time I am very sad coz our plan is not working. After this, I only can meet him on April when he come to KL to renew his license. Gosh, why it's very hard?

I understand his situation, but at the same time I asking for him to understand me too, just for this time. It's very hard for me, but I can't do anything. He belong to his family, his main priority is his family even he also want to extend one more night to spend with me. Im just a bad girl that step into his life. But I can't avoid the feeling coz I am so deeply in love with him.

Even feel very sad to let him go back to KK tomorrow, I still happy coz we managed to meet in this real world. Happy but Sad. How to describe that feeling that i feel now???

No comments: