Bila Aku.......

SEDIH:

:: Jadi pendiam (pause mode talktative)
:: Smoke continuosly (dengan harapan sedih tue akan terbang ke luar bumi)
:: Dengar lagu ntah pape (selongkar lagu dalam lappy & hanfon)
:: Luahkan pada Microsoft Words (takder sape tau password document aku, so it's a very safe place to tell everything)
:: Tidur (tapi susah nak tidur)
:: Menangis (paling payah walaupun menangis itu boleh meredakan kesedihan aku cuma sebentar)
:: Lepak tangga apartment sampai 3,4 pagi (tempat segalanya bermula antara aku dan My Sayang)
:: Makan coklat Cadbury (agar aku happy sket)
:: Buat bodoh (tahap kronik da nie)
:: Layan beer (super duper kronik)

HAPPY:
:: Talktative
:: Ketawa hingga muka bertambah merah (senyum pun da merah, apa lagi kalau ketawa)
:: Mood nak merayau teramatlah tinggi





STRESS:
:: Aku akan buat bermacam2 kerja tanpa berfikir panjang
:: Aku lepak kat rumah member sambil layan....
:: Layan beer sampai hang over
:: Smoke continuosly
:: Melalak



RINDU:
:: Aku akan call orang yang aku rindu (anak2 aku of course)
:: Tatap gambar orang yang aku rindu (anak2 aku)
:: Menangis (bila rindu tak tertahan)
:: Luahkan pada My Sayang (thanks for your understanding)
:: Smoke




SAKIT HATI:
:: Aku akan memaki lebih kerap (kena buang tabiat satu nie)
:: Jadi agresif
:: Jauhi punca aku sakit hati (kalau punca dari rumah nie, aku akan keluar and tak balik rumah semalaman)
:: Mandi & minum banyak air putih (nak redakan suhu dalam badan yang tengah menggelegak)


BORING:
:: Layan internet
:: Main game
:: SMS My Sayang
:: Layan DVD
:: Baca novel
:: Tidur


Mode sekarang:
RINDU
(anak2 aku, My Sayang - semua berada jauh dari aku sekarang)

Forever & One

** lagu tengah berkumandang sekarang **

Forever And One - Helloween

What can I do? Will I be getting through?
Now that I must try to leave it all behind
Did you see, what you have done to me?
So hard to justify, slowly it's passing by

Forever and one, I will miss you
However I kiss you, yet again
Way down in Neverland
So hard, I was tryin'
Tomorrow, I'll still be cryin'
How could you hide your lies, your lies?

Here I am, seein' you once again
My mind so far away
My heart so close to stay
Too proud to fight
I'm walkin' back into night
Will I ever find someone to believe?

Forever and one, I will miss you
However I kiss you, yet again
Way down in Neverland
So hard, I was tryin'
Tomorrow, I'll still be cryin'
How could you hide your lies, your lies?

Forever and one, I will miss you
However I kiss you, yet again
Way down in Neverland
So hard, I was tryin'
Tomorrow, I'll still be cryin'

How could you hide your lies, your lies, your lies?


Aku berkenalan dengan lagu nie melalui My Sayang sewaktu kitorg declare last December. Masa tue kitorang lepak kat girls room (bilik aku & kakaknya) sambil dengar lagu2 dari my lovely lappy, masa tue sume lagu R&B yang jadi kegilaan aku.

Tetiba dia ambik hanfon nya dan connect speaker to his phone. Sebelum My Sayang mainkan lagu tue, dia cakap macam nie:

"Sayang, lagu nie untuk Sayang"

Lalu dia mainkan and siap ikut nyanyi lagi. Aku senyum2 jer masa tue. Bila dengar part lirik HOW COULD U HIDE UR LIES, sentap aku kejap. Aku bertanya dalam hati, bila masa aku sembunyikan lies dari dia?

Aku ajukan soalan tue pada dia, lalu dia menyentuh mukaku dengan lembut and berkata itu sekadar lagu. Banyak lirik meaningfull tapi itu pulak yang aku fikirkan, katanya lagi.

Pagi nie kami dikejutkan dari tidur oleh satu panggilan. Hanfon bertukar tangan, dan dia tidak menjawab panggilan tersebut. Bila ku ajukan soalan kenapa tak jawab, dia lihatkan skrin hanfon padaku. Automatically aku belakangkan My Sayang. Terasa diriku sangat lah kurang ajar kerana aku tidak pernah belakangkannya kecuali setelah minta izin darinya.

Aku sakit hati sangat setelah tahu bekas girlfrend dia yang kejutkan kami dari tidur. Bukan aku nak jeles, tapi My Sayang da beritau aku yang tidak ada sesiapa tahu nombor barunya melainkan aku, familynya, member rapatnya di tempat kerja juga adik angkatnya&^^$#.

Tapi pagi nie satu kebenaran timbul. Ada orang lain lagi yang tau iaitu bekas girlfrend nya. Bila ku tanyakan kenapa tak beritau aku sewaktu kami perang kecik 2 malam lepas, katanya terlupa sebab dia tidak fikirkan langsung perempuan tue sekarang.

Ntah la, aku jadi terus jadi moody and berubah seperti ada orang lain dalam badanku. Aku buatkan sarapan seperti biasa, tapi aku tidak menghantarnya ke pintu dan memeluknya seperti yang selalu aku lakukan setiap kali dia keluar.

Setelah dia keluar, aku terima 5 sms darinya tapi aku tidak balas satu pun. Lalu dia call, bertanyakan kenapa aku senyap kerana sebelum nie walau sakit hati n marah sekalipun, aku tetap balas semua sms nya.

Untuk menjaga hatinya, aku terpaksa tipu mengatakan hanfon d bilik and tak alert kerana buka winamp full volume kat hall. Dia terima jawapanku kerana dia sendiri nampak keadaanku sebelum dia keluar tadi.

Ntah la, cuaca kat luar panas, tapi hubungan kami dingin lately. Aku tak nak macam nie!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tension

Tet.. tet.. tet.. tet

Aku capai henfon dan check sape yang mengganggu ketenangan ku di kala itu.

" Sayang, ni nombor top up. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx", mesej dari My Sayang. But dari nombor Maxis dia.

Tau la aku gaji dia da masuk and dia terus bayar bill Maxisnya.

Aku tension masa tue. Bukan sebab dia tak on DG, tapi aku tension sebab kalau dia da on Maxis sure dia akan keep contact adik angkatnya di Sabah. Bukan aku nak jeles, tapi aku tak suka dia asyik call and mesej adik angkatnya tue.

Kenapa?

Sebab aku selalu sangat terbaca mesej yang ntah pape dari adik angkat dia.

" Bang, #%&* rindu abang"

" Kenapa lama tak call/sms?"

"Bang, tolong topupkan. $%^$ da takder credit"

Aku tak kisah kalau My Sayang beritau aku awal2 dia selalu contact adik angkatnya. Tapi nie aku yang dapat tau sendiri. Aku paling hangin kalau benda tue aku tau sendiri. Pulak tue mesej ntah pape. Aku selalu tarik muka bila terbaca mesej antara My Sayang and adik angkatnya. My Sayang pulak terangkan yang dia and adik angkatnya takder pape. Whatever!!!

Tak adil sebab dia asyik contact adik angkatnya kalau da on Maxis sedangkan aku asyik sms ngan sorang mber aku.

Hello!!!

Aku da beritau dia awal2 lama sebelum aku and budak tue start keluar. Sape pun member2 aku, aku akan beritau My Sayang, aku beritau sebab respek kat dia.

Mula2 memang My Sayang jeles sebab dia tengok aku happy kalau keluar ngan mber aku, tapi kami da discuss benda nie beberapa malam lepas and My Sayang faham aku kawan baik ngan budak laki tue.

Ikutkan hati, semalam lepas mber aku jumpa girlfrend dia kat Shah Alam, dia datang ambil aku kat rumah. Tapi memandangkan hanya aku and My Sayang jer kat rumah, aku cancel date. Tup tup, kakak dia yang sorang tidur kat rumah pulak. Hampehhh.. pukul 2am aku text dia, tapi dia tak reply sebab da tidur.

Aku da pesan kat My Sayang, kalau ada perempuan lain, beritau aku awal2, jangan sampai benda tue aku tau sendiri dan itu hanya akan membuatkan hangin satu badan. My Sayang selalu cakap, dia takder orang lain selain aku. Aku tak la percaya sangat sebab aku da pernah kena tipu oleh seseorang bila trust 100% dulu and akibatnya aku recover selepas 3 tahun. After recover, aku start permainkan lelaki. Tapi bila jumpa dia, aku taubat tak nak ulang record lama.

Sekarang nie jiwa aku kacau sket. Lagu2 pun semua yang ku kategorikan dalam JIWA KACAU. Malam nie nak bantai minum la.

LULUS :P

Semalam aku kebuntuan idea untuk sediakan dinner. (Rujuk entry sebelum nie)

My Sayang sms kata nak makan ayam kukus. Aku pulak suruh dia beli ayam bulat. Kalau ayam kukus, aku ikut resipi nenek aku, chinese style. Nenek aku kan Chinese :P

Setelah kebuntuan idea, aku lawat blog seorang blogger yang aku follow.
Click kat sini. Kat blog nie macam2 resipi ada.

Tak puas hati, aku tanyakan nenek yahoo. Hasilnya aku jumpa resipi Asam Tumis Ayam (Ala Nyonya). Kira ok la kan, nyonya :P

Setelah identify bahan2 yang takder kat dapur, aku turun ke kedai runcit kat bawah apartment tempat aku tinggal dan membeli bahan2 tersebut.

Tepat pukul 8pm, aku start beraksi di dapur. Hasilnya seperti di bawah:


Since bunga kantan takder jual kat bawah, aku gantikan dengan daun kari jer :D
Bahan2 lain sume ada. Kuantiti aku main redahhhhh jer :P
Just belacan aku kurangkan kuantiti sebab My Sayang alergic dengan seafood dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Lepas makan aku suapkan ubat alergic ke mulutnya sebab still ada belacan dalam tue.

Sayur pulak, aku tumis kacang panjang jer, favourite My Sayang. Aku main campak2 jer, masukkan bawang merah & putih, pecahkan telur pas tue kacau. Masukkan kacang panjang, cili kering yang diblend juga Secukup Rasa. Tumis kejap then angkat.


Feedback My Sayang lepas makan "SEDAP". Yer la, ayam tue first time aku masak cam tue. Nampak cam rendang pun ada (ye ker?) Dia makan sampai 3 pinggan. Whoaaaaaaa

Puas hati bila tengok My Sayang makan banyak semalam.

Result: First attemp LULUS!
(simple jer, kalau tak lulus sure mak aku geleng kepala)
:p

I LikeThe Way

(sumber dari Nenek Yahoo)

Haaa. Sapa jejaka di atas tue?

Itulah Eddy Wata. Singer I LIKE THE WAY.

Aku TERjatuh cinta kat lagu nie bila 2 minggu lepas aku tengah sibuk download lagu baru untuk telinga aku.

Click sini untuk dengar lagu nie.

I Like the way the way you shake your ass around me
I like the way the way you swing your hip around me

First time aku dengar, aku da gelak. Si dia hairan kenapa aku gelak bila dengar lagu nie, aku btau la kenapa. Dia geleng kepala, macam2 katanya.

Anyway, aku buat research pasal Eddy Wata. Lalu great grandpa Wikipedia pun memberikan aku info tentang Eddy Wata nie. Lagi aku kopi pes :D

Eddy Wata (born in 1976) is an African dance music artist. He was born to a Nigerian mother and Jamaican father and began to play with a battery-operated keyboard at a very young age. At the age of 18, he lived in Jamaica for four years, where he met artists that contributed to his love of reggae.

Upon returning to Nigeria, he formed a band, and following many television appearances, he made a trip to Europe in 2001. In the Netherlands, he was acquainted with the manager Lino Longoni and In 2003, after being placed under contract by the Italian producer Diego Milesi, comes in the top 20 (silver disc) for some European rankings. His most famous singles are: "Jam" "In Your Mind" "The bomb" and his latest hit "I Love My People" which reached the top of dance charts. Eddy is working to make his first album. The outing is scheduled for end 2008 After a live concert, his new producer took him to Italy, where he met several artists and DJs.

In the Autumn of 2003, Wata decided with his publishers to publish his won material, and success followed the 2004 release of "Jam".

Selain lagu I Like The Way, aku juga minat lagu My Dream.

Aku tertanya2, adakah On-Off Boifren aku yang jadi MC/DJ tue mainkan lagu nie time dia jadi guest MC/DJ? Nanti aku tanya dia la, senang, tak payah cari jawapan sendiri :P

Mumbling

Happy Sunday!!!

Alone in this apartment, again!!

Now waiting for my kids to finish their lunch before continue our video call through Yahoo Messenger. We were broadcasting for 72 minutes before their grandma (which is my mom) call them for their lunch.

And here I am. Lepak at this lovely blog (lovely? hehehehe). At the same time, download latest song of R&B, Hip Hop and dance. Feel wanna dance when listen to those songs, even I don't know how to dance * big grin*

Few days back, I felt very down. Plus got small crisis with my beloved boyfriend; the one who I stay with. However, everything is over now. Not me and my boyfriend, but the crisis. Glad it's over now *smile*

Last night I suppose go to Elsyium, Heritage Row to attend party which my on-off boyfriend is invited as guest MC. I'm in the guest list, but can't manage to attend it. It's the 2nd invitation from him, still I can't attend. The 1st one was last Saturday at MoJo, 2nd is last night at Elsyium. Well, since we on-off again, I'll receive invitation from him every week. If I'm working with him, guess I can't give thousands reason not to attend it. Coz if I'm working with him, I'll be his PA and will be with him almost 24/7. Work together, travel together, party together, sleep together, sex together? Hahahaha. No, I prefer to go home every night and sleep with my beloved boyfriend.

Last night around 3 in the morning, suddenly I got migrain and felt extremely cold. My beloved boyfriend woke up (pity him) and keep hug me tight. Felt guilty coz wake him up coz he need to work today. But he still wake up and hug me to warm me all night long. This morning around 10am, I still feel extremely cold. He hug me and covered our body with two blankets, still I felt cold. I don't know what happen with me last night till I felt extremely cold. The fan speed is normal like previous night.

After he finish shower, I asked him what he want for his breakfast. He ask me not to wake up and will prepare by himself. But I insist to do it, like always stubborn! He blocked me at the door and carry me to bed again, but coz of my stubbornness I manage to escape from him * big grin*

Tomorrow I will start working. Our routine will have small changes due to our working hours and days is not same. I'll leave home at 7am when he still sleeping. But everyday I will give him a wake up call at 10.15am. I come home around 7pm, and he still working that time. Even tired coz have to catch up bus and LRT to reach my office at Wisma Central and go home, I will cook for him every night. I'll make sure that this routine will keep going coz I like to see he eat a lot when I cook for him *smile*

Last night, he told me that his weight now is 59.6kg. I asked 2 days from him to make sure his weight is 60kg *laugh*

My kids is back. So I've to stop here. Miss them very much.

War

At this moment, I feel freaking piss off at that DJ. I called him to apology, he not answer. Every 1 hour I called, still not answer me. So I sent SMS to him, guess what? HE REPLIED ME IN 1 MINUTE!!! Y don't just answer my call? Huh....

How to solve the problem if like this? This is not the way to solve it. I understand why he angry at me, and I want to say sorry for what I've done early this day. But seems he don't want to solve the problem quickly. This is why our relation since 2007 keep on and off. It's from him!!!

I remember for the 1st time we fight on 2007, he don't answer my call, not reply my sms, when he online at YM and I buzz him, he not respond to me. It took 10 days for him to calm down and talk bout the problem. Then we back to normal again.

Gosh, how can I live with this guy?I'm the type of person that solve the problem ASAP and he is not. Ok, maybe he want to calm down first before solve it. But if he want to, just tell me that he want a space for him so I won't disturb him. Is it hard to tell me like that? Huh.

We fight coz of something, not the marry thing. I've to understand him more, and he have to understand me more too. If he want to live forever with me as he keep saying like that since 2007, then he have to understand me very very very well.

So guess now we having a cold fight. So that's it. I follow your rhythm. See till when it will last.

DECLARE A COLD WAR!

Hey MR. DJ

Sleepy!

That's what I feel even I slept for a whole day today. Hmm, actually, not whole day, I slept from 11.30am,once my bf going to work. Didn't sleep at all last nite.

Early this morning, around 4am the DJ cum my on-off bf came to my place after his event at MoJo and we met for the 1st time since we dating each other on 2007. Almost 3 years couple and only meet today!! I feel guilty when I was inside the lift and on my way to meet him. Y did I felt like that? Coz I'll meet him while my most beloved bf is sleeping at the hal, fall asleep when we watching DVDl!!! I feel suck!!

Guess what? During my 1st meet with the DJ, we got small fight bout something. And the small fight effect our plan to go out today huh. Before the fight, he plan to take me at my home and hang out. Watch movie, dinner, mingle around etc, just like what couple did. But after the fight, I left him just like that coz I can't face him that time.

He talking bout marriage today. I thought he was kidding when he told me for the 1st time on 2007. But he said he serious and waiting for me. Now he said he'll marry me minimum in 1year time. And ready to convert to Muslim since he decided to take me as his wife on 2007. What did I feel when he said that today? SHOCK!!! Totally shock.

This Indian guy is cute. But I don't think I can be his wife. My life will be ruin slowly as he loves to partying since his part time job is DJ & MC, which of course will drink alcohol. I know I'm not a good Muslim coz I also drink, but now I reduce it and wanna stop someday. But If I marry him, I will become a heavy-drinker like before. Plus he wanna make a tattoo of my name on his body after we married. Looks like he already decided we will become as husband & wife someday, even I'm not ready bout it. And I'M NOT SURE TO MARRY HIM of course.

He is the type of he MUST GET WHAT HE WANT! He will fight for it! Especially when it's about person that he love. OMG, guess I can't run from him?? Oh nooooooo.... I'm not sure yet if I want to marry him.

Gosh